christmas day

just like the usual Christmas that i'm experiencing for the past 22 years of my life, my family and i went to bulacan to have lunch with my father's siblings and it's one of the very seldom times that i get to see my cousins. it's the time where we receive gifts and even better... cash! hehehehe. but this year's different. this will be the last time i'm gonna be receiving cash, since they said already got a job and i'm somehow earning.... but the heck? the truth is i'm not expecting to receive anything from them. i mean, i'm okay even though they won't give me something. but still... i was able to receive something from them. especially now that i don't have pay for the fact that i had an end of contract with sony. it seems that God got a way for me to survive the days without money on my pocket.:)

we were having conversation with Kay, my cousin when one of my aunts talked to me and asked me if i already have a boyfriend, and of course what am i going to say? "I DON'T HAVE ONE YET" and i added, that i never really had one and my aunt tried to hide the smile that's about to show on her face. instead she asked me what happened and how come i don't have a boyfriend yet. that is the one million peso question for myself. actually, i don't really know how come i don't have a boyfriend yet. maybe because i'm busy? nah... not yet the right time? i don't know... i'm too choosy? well... or maybe because i'm still waiting for the right person to come back or come along? the truth is that i don't know the answer as well. i keep on telling myself that i'm reserved for that person. but my friends tried to open my mind about it. they made me realized that it's not right to wait for someone who's not really paying attention to you and try to focus myself on the one who's here and someone closer to me. well i don't really know. i'm still having a hard time dealing with what i feel inside. i know the right time will come and i'll completely get over with him.

it's about time for me to give myself a chance to learn to love someone else other than him, because i had this feelings for him since i was 14 years old, and that was 8 years ago. i don't know how to love someone else. i already forgot how it feels and besides, i'm afraid of rejection... i don't know how am i going to feel when that time comes.


it might be hard to understand for now, but the time will come that everything will be on its proper place...