walking behind

it's quite weird, whenever people see me and tell me that i lookd happy, i look like i'm in love and they even thought i have a boyfriend! maybe it's because of the glow they see on my face when they get to see me. i don't know i look good, but from what i know, im not good-looking. because if i do, then the person that that i like should have at least noticed it. maybe the people around me think i'm happy because i always have this ready smile on my face whenever i see them, and somehow at least i never failed to acknowledge their presence. but if only those guys know how i rally feel...

if they only knew how much emotional struggle i'm going through right now. but i can't blame anyone. i mean, i was me who let this stupid feeling grow within me. i shouldn't have admitted to myself that i like this certain person, knowing that that person won't like me in return. and now, it really is my fault why i'm feeling this pain and burden i'm feeling right now. some people might think it's just "mababaw" since that person and i were never been friends in the first place and now that he's leaving, i'll be the one left behind and nothing to hold on to.

if he only knew that i'm really trying my best to be friends with him. and it was too late that it's not easy for me to do, and i just came ti realize that it's not easy for me to win his friendship. i only got a day late toask for his forgiveness. might as well do it now, or spend somehow part of my life regretting why i had done such stupid thing, which is to demand for his attention. i might not be perfect, or ideal girl but i know i still deserve his forgiveness

life in the office

i'm trying my best to recover from the emotional and mental torture i'm experiencing right now. i know it's not that easy, but i've been praying that God will give me strength to overcome what i'm feeling right now. i've been fasting, i mean literally not eating for eight hours, asking for God's favor. i know and i need to accept that the person i came to like doesnt like me. it's quite painful, knowing that he likes someone and that someone is not me! maybe because some things are not really meant to be. he can't even forgave me when i had this fake confrontaion w/ him last month. i just came to realize that not all people had the same mind set that i had. even though or as much as i want to be friendly and to get close w/ the people around me, that would not be possible.

all i need right now is peace of mind, to get back to my old self, to be able to be myself. that's it. i'm not really asking for anything else, let alone getting a boyfriend. who needs one anyways?

i dont know...

i spent my two days off crying for this certain news that affected me badly. the person whom i gave special attention to is leaving in few days! and after that few days, what? i would never be seeing him for good. i've been blaiming myself why did i entertained this weird feelings for him? i didn't realized that he might leave anytime. i shouldn't have let myself fall for that person. i mean he doesnt even care about me. so what's the point of liking someone else right? i keep on asking myself: why do i have to fall for someone knowing that the love won't be reciprocated? am i really that bad that i person i get to like won't like me back?