by the river piedra i sat down and wept

by the river piedra i sat down and wept. there is a legend that everything falls into the waters of this river--- leaves, insects, the feathers of birds--- is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. IF ONLY I COULD TEAR OUT MY HEART AND HURL INTO THE CURRENT, THEN MY PAIN AND LONGING WOULD BE OVER, AND I COULD FINALLY FORGET.

by the river piedra i sat down and wept. the winter air chills the tears on my cheek, and my tears fall into the cold waters that course past me. somewhere, this river joins another, then another, until---far from my heart and sight---all of them merge with the sea.
may my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day i cried for him. may my tears run just as far, that i might forget the river piedra, the monastery, the church in the pyrenees, the mists, and the paths we walked together.
i shall forget the roads, the mountains, and the fields of my dreams---the dreams that will never come true.
i remember my "magic moment"---that instant when a "yes" or a "no" can change one's life forever. it seems so long ago now. it is hard to believe that it was only last week that i had found my love once again, and then lost him.
i am writing this story on the bank of the river piedra. my hands are freezing, my legs are numb, and every minute i want to stop.
"seek to live. remembrance is for the old," he said.
perhaps love makes us old before our time---or young, if youth has passed. but how can i not recall those moments? that is why i write---to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance. so that when i finish telling myself the story, i can toss it into the piedra. that's what the woman who has given me shelter told me to do. Only then--- in the words of one of the saints---will the water extinguish what the flames have written.
all love stories are the same.

talking about desperate :) i mean i just can't believe that i'm kindda capable of breaking my own heart due to wrong assumptions and i hate myself for that. i made myself believe into something that could never even happen. if i should have stick by the rule, that i could be friends with everyone but i should never ever let myself fall inlove not until i find the right person, who'll love me back. it's really pain in the neck to know that you really like this person, and you know that the person has idea of what you feel, but that person doent even give a damn. you simplydont know if there's a chance he'll like you back or he simply doesnt care. aaaaaahhhhhhh! i've had enought of that i've been struck thrice and still, nothing happend. i simply hate it when stupidity strikes and i'm the only one to be blamed for that. i just wonder when will that person come and i haven't had enough trauma for me to know that the right person is just right there...,