friendster testimonials

i've been reading the testimonials that my friends did for me, and i can't help but smile. i didn't know that that's how they see me. i already know i'm brutally frank sometimes, but i didn't mean to hurt other people's feelings because of what i'm saying. if i know that the things that i say is somehow like hitting below the belt, i'm starting to shut up and after a while, i'll apologize to that person that i've offended. as much as possible, i don't want to have enemies. it won't give me peace of mind and it'll give me a hard time sleeping at night. i'd rather feel offended because i know i can defend myself but i can't bear the idea that i've hurt someone's feelings because of what i said.

training for amex next week...

i can't wait for our training to start. i miss my life in the call center, though until now, i still haven't experienced receiving phone calls from real customers (the only phone calls that i had were from the role plays that Art conducted) and now, i'll be having my new account to learn, handle and a new chance to improve myself. what i'm gonna promise is that i won't be doing the same mistakes that i had in sony. i'll do better this time and take things more seriously. so help me God!

my former ministry

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. and there's one thing that came to me... it think it's about time for me to go back to my way of serving the Lord. that is to assist in teaching kids. i did that for few months and those were the months that i enjoyed the most while i'm staying in our Church. it's always been a nice feeling that somebody hugs you whenever you go to Church, and it someohow makes me feel important and fulfilled. maybe i'll just wait for God's sign so that i could make myself ready for that responsibility. teaching kids is not an easy task. it requires a lot of patience and energy to cope up with what the kids are doing. i may go home exhausted whenever i'm with the kids, but the joy that i feel whenever i remember the time i spent with those children. i believe that someohow, i became a part of whatever they will become when they grow up, because i was able to impart something in molding them as a true person and as a Christian

don't you know that love's just like a thread, that keeps on ravelling but then...

weird, but it seems that i'm starting to become the butt of jokes of the people around me. okay, in our batch in sony 14, i'm not the only one who's single. but i have one of the rarest cases ever. at 22, i never had a boyfriend! and my friends are using it as an excuse for me to be matched with the single guys around me. but i don't mind at all. it doesn't mean anything to me. i know that as long as there are no feelings involved, then i can't see any problem about it. because when you put feelings on it, then it is where the problem arises. one of those persons might get hurt, because of the simple reason that feelings are not mutual. so what i'm doing is just to say yes or agree on whatever they say. just like what i always say... i may no longer be reserved, but i still have to learn the art of loving someone else other than the longtime former love of my life. i need to have a normal life again and start a new life without thinking about him. if we're really meant for each other just like what i'm praying for, then so be it. but if not, then *sigh* things are not really meant to be :( there's someone out there who would come to love me despite of my clumsiness, mood swings, kakulitan and most of all at my ugliest appearance.

christmas day

just like the usual Christmas that i'm experiencing for the past 22 years of my life, my family and i went to bulacan to have lunch with my father's siblings and it's one of the very seldom times that i get to see my cousins. it's the time where we receive gifts and even better... cash! hehehehe. but this year's different. this will be the last time i'm gonna be receiving cash, since they said already got a job and i'm somehow earning.... but the heck? the truth is i'm not expecting to receive anything from them. i mean, i'm okay even though they won't give me something. but still... i was able to receive something from them. especially now that i don't have pay for the fact that i had an end of contract with sony. it seems that God got a way for me to survive the days without money on my pocket.:)

we were having conversation with Kay, my cousin when one of my aunts talked to me and asked me if i already have a boyfriend, and of course what am i going to say? "I DON'T HAVE ONE YET" and i added, that i never really had one and my aunt tried to hide the smile that's about to show on her face. instead she asked me what happened and how come i don't have a boyfriend yet. that is the one million peso question for myself. actually, i don't really know how come i don't have a boyfriend yet. maybe because i'm busy? nah... not yet the right time? i don't know... i'm too choosy? well... or maybe because i'm still waiting for the right person to come back or come along? the truth is that i don't know the answer as well. i keep on telling myself that i'm reserved for that person. but my friends tried to open my mind about it. they made me realized that it's not right to wait for someone who's not really paying attention to you and try to focus myself on the one who's here and someone closer to me. well i don't really know. i'm still having a hard time dealing with what i feel inside. i know the right time will come and i'll completely get over with him.

it's about time for me to give myself a chance to learn to love someone else other than him, because i had this feelings for him since i was 14 years old, and that was 8 years ago. i don't know how to love someone else. i already forgot how it feels and besides, i'm afraid of rejection... i don't know how am i going to feel when that time comes.


it might be hard to understand for now, but the time will come that everything will be on its proper place...

new look

i just had my hair relaxed and looked good on me. most of my friends are telling me that i look better with straight hair. hmmm.... let's see. i should undergo changes now. i mean i'm in a new account, that means new personality, new look and new call center life! ehehehe. but if there's one thing i'm gonna doing in the future, that is to go back to Sony account. it's my first love, though i'm not really doing good at it at first. i mean what do i know about cd changers, receivers and speaker connections? all i know is to plug and use the unit. if i don't know how to operate it, then use other one. maybe i need to learn first before going back there. it's not yet my time to be there. so to the Sony guys, see you later!

one hundred per cent passing

first of all, i would like to congratulate my sony batchmates for passing the academy bay. i'm so proud of you guys! keep it up! you're now on your way to certification! at least you guys, you're all one step ahead of those who were transferred. like me! :)

last thursday, i went back the the call center to have my clearance signed and to have dinner with my friends who were having their a-bays. i was there as early 5:30 pm, and have my clearance signed at the finance dep on the second floor of the building while waiting i'm for others. when i have my clearance signed, i met my friends at the lobby and waited for those who were not there yet. i went with Jag, my batchmate to the atm machine to check his account while waiting for my other friends who were not there yet. while waiting, we all went outside and wait for the others and i'm starting to sweat i was wearing a tank top and a jacket. then i have no choice but to remove my jacket. my classmates were shocked when they saw what was underneath my jacket! i'm just wearing my plain maroon tank top. i don't know, but it since i started training in the call center, i realized i'm comfortable in wearing tank tops and jackets. they say i look okay on that tank top. whatever.

we all went to fazoli's to have dinner. while we were eating, the next thing i knew, is joggy (one of the trainors) is sitting next to me. he decided to join us for few minutes of chat. then there goes the urban legend about the reason why until now, i don't have a boyfriend. i know that it's kindda weird in my case and in my age, it seems that it's no longer normal. for heaven's sake and i have to explain everything that has something to do about it. and i admitted that i'm planning to let go of feelings towards that person. come on, it's about time to face my own life.

after that, we all went to back to c3 for the briefing of my friends who will be doing their last day in a-bay. ann and i joined them in the discussion room together with my friends. it's a nice feeling to be with them again. they have no idea how much i miss the times when we're all together in that aquarium-looking room. those who were now part of the amex account says that amex is better than sony, blah blah blah. and my friend Charis said that she wants to transfer to amex and our trainor answered that amex has this high iq requirement. Oh gosh! that's something! laglagan na 'to!

when they were finished with the coaching and briefing stuff, they all went to their respective work station for the taking in of calls. i stayed at the couch in the lobby and waited for the HR so that our clearance would be signed. ann, dang and i got bored and we all went to the tiangge to buy stuffs. but i begged off on buying something and telling them i bought a book earlier and that book costs more than 300 bucks and i no longer have money left, and to think that there are only few days left before Christmas and i haven't bought any presents for my friends. after we went through the stores, we all decided to go back to c3 to have our clearance signed. whene we got there, Ms. Angel was not there yet so we still waited for quite some time before ann wants to go home and i told her to leave her clearance to me and i'll be the one who'll have it signed.

i was waiting in the HR when i felt sleepy. i'm starting to sound grouchy that time because i'm like a celfone that undergoes battery drain. i woke up at 7 in the morning and since then, i never got the chance to have even an hour of sleep. you should see how i look like back then. i looked exactly like a zombie! hehehehe

finally, when our clearances were signed, i went to the rec room, distributed the clearances and lay on the couch to have an hour of sleep. i was about to doze off when my batchmate Jag went there and related a story about the call he received. for some unknown reasons, i yelled at him and continued to sleep. but i'm not sure of what i'm doing then. and when i finally opened my eyes after an hour's of sleep, i saw Gildo walking inside the rec room, smiling at me. i blinked my eyes, fearing that my contact will fell off and closed my eyes again. i went out with my few friends who wants to have thir yosi breaks. since i don't smoke, i just settled with the candy that Ric, one of my batchmates gave me. we were talking about something when all of a sudden, Joggy was there again and chatted with us. he said that the guys who had their a-bays should not be nervous. and that they should trust Art that he could defend all of them from the training master. my friends looked at me and they noticed that i haven't slept yet. then there goes the never-ending story that i'm in love with someone else that's why i haven't slept yet. because they thought i can't sleep because of that. i don't know what's with these guys. they keep on insisting that i'm in love. how many time do i have to tell them i don't know how to fall in love with someone else. it was ______ whom i only know that i could love as of this time. aside from him, i don't really know how it feels to love someone else other than him. weird, isn't it. my friend used to match me with my other batchmates and even with _______ betcha by golly wow! i don't think he'll even consider me. i'm such a geek and clumsy and i'm doing a lot of kapalpakans in life as a trainee.

give myself a chance

i've been talking to a lot people lately and they gave me an advice: let go of my feelings towards that person and give myself a chance to fall in love again. but how can i do that? the only person i have loved and paid attention with was this guy whom i had emotional investment for the past eight years. i don't know how to love someone else. it seems that i've already forgotten that feeling. whenever i like someone else, i always keep in mind that i like his guy and i'll be reserved for him until he realizes how much i love him. but i'm afraid that that won't happen. he's too far from me and i don't know what would happen between those times that he's not here and the times that he was there, living his life. it seems that life is so unfair to me. i've been praying for him for a very long time, and yet, it seems that my prayers and still unanswered. he didn't even cosidered me as his friend. what is wrong with me? i know i'm easy to get along with other people and i could win as many friends as i can. but the only problem is that he's the only person i can't win for myself. what am i gonna do? he's one of the few people whom i get my strength and will to take the challenges of the training, and even though he doesn't know it, it somehow helped me a lot. i want to be successful and deserving for his attention when he comes back. i may not be an ideal girl; i'm clumsy, not that smart in troubleshooting, i'm accident-prone and a certified walking disaster of the batch, but i'm trying my best to be deserving for him. i hope he'll realize it before it's too late...

no goodbyes, just see you later

i ws one of those who were "fortunate" enough to be pulled put and given another chance to try my skills to other account. i was assigned to amex together with my other batchmates. it was not an easy thing to do. the idea that the other half my the batch are taking calls and i'm no longer part of them. maybe because i'm not really for that account. it's just that i have to meet them first before going to the right account where i should be. for the past weeks that we're together, i experienced the sense of belongingness in that batch. everyone's helping out with each other for us to hold on and graduate. we became responsible for each other. and now that some of us will be transferred, i just told myself that as long as we're on the same company, it is not impossible for us to see each other again.

how does it feel

i have these feelings towards this person for the past eight years. and no matter what i do, it seems that i can't get him out of my system. i mean i could have done this a very long time but i just can't. there are times that i tried to but still, there are some instances and situations or things that makes me hold on for the feeling. i no longer know what to do. he's not paying attention to me, we never even had a nice conversation with each other and we're not even at ease with each other. and still, i feel the same way towards him. it's so unfair. would there be any possbility that i might fall out of love for him? nah, i don't think so. i know it sounds crazy, but i made a vow to myself that i will only stop liking him if ever: 1. he tells right in front of my face that he doesn't like me and i should look for someone else 2. he already got a girlfriend or 3. he gets married those are the things that he has to do to get rid of me. my friends are advicing me to stop my feelings towards him but i don't know if i could do away with it. i just don't know. it's so sad that you can't have what you want sometimes.

christmas

i'm feeeling depressed these past days. it's because of the simple fact that Christmas is just around the corner. i miss that person. by now, i wouldn't care whether he'll like me or not, or if ever he already got someone whom he likes as long as he's here and i can see him.

omg

my friends adviced me to let go of the past and try to move on. i should forget about the person that i like for the past eight years and give myself a chance to fall in love again. but how can i do that? eight years is still eight years and no matter what i do and if there are times that i want to let go of my feelings, there are things that make me keep on holding on. it's so unfair because i know that he doesn't like me and he doesn't even pay attention to me but still, i have this goddamn feelings towards him. i'm still hoping that somehow he feels the same towards me.